As part of my growing process, I've done a lot of meditating and have spent many days alone with my thoughts. I've come to notice all the negativity that surrounds us on a daily basis. It will truly bring you down without hesitation!
With the daily topic of politics, gun control, economy, etc., I understand that it IS hard to not be negative.
But we often forget, that negative is a state of mind. We are choosing to see the bad. Why can't we take these topics and turn them into a positive? How many learning experiences can we gain from them?
How are WE going to make a difference?
As President Obama said, "The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t
wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good
things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself
with hope."
I understand that you might not know what exactly what you can do to help "change the world" but let's start small.
I am pledging to do just one good deed a day. Helping someone and making them smile is a great start!
I only hope that people will "pay it forward."
Will you please take the pledge with me to do one good deed a day?
You never know.. we might just change the world!
Together, we can. One by one.
**Share your good deeds with me! I would LOVE to hear your story!!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Beginning
I used to tell people that my life was boring. I would tell them that my family was your typical "Leave It To Beaver" family.
Things change.
For as far back as I can remember, my family was happy. My brother was my best friend and my parents were hard working and did what they could to give us what we wanted. My brother and I never fought, nor did my parents. It was a peaceful, happy home.
In the early 2000's, my brother gave us news that changed our lives forever. He's gay. My mother, being your typical Christian woman, was devastated. My Father stayed quiet, but was clearly hurt. Me? I was upset only because I was hurt that he felt he couldn't tell me. After a few months of preacher meetings, empty threats to disown him, and countless arguments, my parents came around. They not only accepted my brother, but embraced him. Tension died down and my family began to grow whole again. We began to meet these amazing people with whom helped us to understand and open our minds. Everything was okay again.
Fast forward a couple of years. Some of these amazing people we met along the way had become close family friends. Two people in particular became a huge part of our lives. They had opened up a resource center for homeless young adults aimed at the LGBTQ community. From day 1 my Mother and I were there. We would both leave work and head to the center to volunteer. I loved this place as it had become my second home.
I had grown attached to many of the kids who would come in. I was able to be a "big sister" to some of these kids and that meant the world to me. We were doing good for these kids and watching them get jobs or go back to school was an amazing feeling.
Not only did I get to work with my Mother at this place and help these kids, I ended up meeting the love of my life.
I met Ky the first day of my volunteering. He too was a volunteer and I could instantly tell his intentions were genuine and he truly had a heart of gold. However, I could tell he was different, I just didn't know why.
A few months after Ky and I started getting closer, he finally told me. He is an intersex and was here in the states illegally. By this time, I didn't care. You love people. You don't love gender. He was beautiful to be and I wanted to be with him. We started dating and eventually, we were living together and engaged.
Let's fast forward even further - early 2012.
As I had mentioned before, my mother and I had become attached to some of these kids at the resource center. Unfortunately, we all had our "favorites". My Mother had really taken to a few of the kids. One young man in particular had become one of her "favorites" and eventually became part of the family. He would join us every Sunday for our traditional weekly family dinner as well as for the Holidays.
Something began to not sit right with me. My gut started telling me to not trust this guy, I just didn't know why. Whenever I would voice my concern, I was told that I was being selfish and jealous. I finally let it go and let it be.
I'm sitting at work one day and I get a text from my mother telling me she had something important to talk about. I hop on Gmail Chat. My Mother starts to tell me how she loves me and how sorry she was for brushing me off when I would voice concern over this young man. Then she drops the bomb. My mother was having and affair with this boy. Granted, he was 21 years old and it was all legal. But my heart instantly sunk. I could go on about the countless fights and sleepless nights but I will simplify by saying I was watching my Leave it to Beaver family crumble. And it was happening fast.
So, here we are - mid-late 2012. I was unhappy and I was depressed. Faking a smile everyday was only bringing me lower. I was working full time at a job I was beginning to loathe. I was financially supporting Ky, who couldn't work due to his illegal status which was causing major resentment, even though I loved him dearly. I rarely saw my family anymore and I had lost 90% of my friends. I was alone.
It was a Saturday night and I couldn't sleep. I sat there on the couch and just thought how nice it could be if I could just end it all. All the hurt, all the sadness.. I wanted to die.
That thought scared the living daylights out of me.
I have never been a suicidal person and couldn't imagine doing such a thing. That's when I realized that I needed to do something.
Many would say I ran away, but I think a fresh start was needed. I packed my bags, quit my job, left Ky and my family and headed toward a friend I had in Virginia.
I arrived in Virginia a week before Thanksgiving. I was instantly welcomed with open arms. These people have become my new second family.
Somehow, by the grace of God, my Mother and Father are doing very well and have grown closer than ever. My brother and I communicate more now than when we lived just down the road from each other and Ky has started University as well as an internship.
I am still trying to land on my own two feet here in Virginia. Looking for work is tough but I am beginning to learn who I am again. I am finding me. I'm laughing and genuinely smiling again.
I am happy.
Things change.
For as far back as I can remember, my family was happy. My brother was my best friend and my parents were hard working and did what they could to give us what we wanted. My brother and I never fought, nor did my parents. It was a peaceful, happy home.
In the early 2000's, my brother gave us news that changed our lives forever. He's gay. My mother, being your typical Christian woman, was devastated. My Father stayed quiet, but was clearly hurt. Me? I was upset only because I was hurt that he felt he couldn't tell me. After a few months of preacher meetings, empty threats to disown him, and countless arguments, my parents came around. They not only accepted my brother, but embraced him. Tension died down and my family began to grow whole again. We began to meet these amazing people with whom helped us to understand and open our minds. Everything was okay again.
Fast forward a couple of years. Some of these amazing people we met along the way had become close family friends. Two people in particular became a huge part of our lives. They had opened up a resource center for homeless young adults aimed at the LGBTQ community. From day 1 my Mother and I were there. We would both leave work and head to the center to volunteer. I loved this place as it had become my second home.
I had grown attached to many of the kids who would come in. I was able to be a "big sister" to some of these kids and that meant the world to me. We were doing good for these kids and watching them get jobs or go back to school was an amazing feeling.
Not only did I get to work with my Mother at this place and help these kids, I ended up meeting the love of my life.
I met Ky the first day of my volunteering. He too was a volunteer and I could instantly tell his intentions were genuine and he truly had a heart of gold. However, I could tell he was different, I just didn't know why.
A few months after Ky and I started getting closer, he finally told me. He is an intersex and was here in the states illegally. By this time, I didn't care. You love people. You don't love gender. He was beautiful to be and I wanted to be with him. We started dating and eventually, we were living together and engaged.
Let's fast forward even further - early 2012.
As I had mentioned before, my mother and I had become attached to some of these kids at the resource center. Unfortunately, we all had our "favorites". My Mother had really taken to a few of the kids. One young man in particular had become one of her "favorites" and eventually became part of the family. He would join us every Sunday for our traditional weekly family dinner as well as for the Holidays.
Something began to not sit right with me. My gut started telling me to not trust this guy, I just didn't know why. Whenever I would voice my concern, I was told that I was being selfish and jealous. I finally let it go and let it be.
I'm sitting at work one day and I get a text from my mother telling me she had something important to talk about. I hop on Gmail Chat. My Mother starts to tell me how she loves me and how sorry she was for brushing me off when I would voice concern over this young man. Then she drops the bomb. My mother was having and affair with this boy. Granted, he was 21 years old and it was all legal. But my heart instantly sunk. I could go on about the countless fights and sleepless nights but I will simplify by saying I was watching my Leave it to Beaver family crumble. And it was happening fast.
So, here we are - mid-late 2012. I was unhappy and I was depressed. Faking a smile everyday was only bringing me lower. I was working full time at a job I was beginning to loathe. I was financially supporting Ky, who couldn't work due to his illegal status which was causing major resentment, even though I loved him dearly. I rarely saw my family anymore and I had lost 90% of my friends. I was alone.
It was a Saturday night and I couldn't sleep. I sat there on the couch and just thought how nice it could be if I could just end it all. All the hurt, all the sadness.. I wanted to die.
That thought scared the living daylights out of me.
I have never been a suicidal person and couldn't imagine doing such a thing. That's when I realized that I needed to do something.
Many would say I ran away, but I think a fresh start was needed. I packed my bags, quit my job, left Ky and my family and headed toward a friend I had in Virginia.
I arrived in Virginia a week before Thanksgiving. I was instantly welcomed with open arms. These people have become my new second family.
Somehow, by the grace of God, my Mother and Father are doing very well and have grown closer than ever. My brother and I communicate more now than when we lived just down the road from each other and Ky has started University as well as an internship.
I am still trying to land on my own two feet here in Virginia. Looking for work is tough but I am beginning to learn who I am again. I am finding me. I'm laughing and genuinely smiling again.
I am happy.
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